A Morning For Creepsters

This morning, I pulled up to a stoplight and found myself behind one of those creepy white euro vans. You know the ones I'm talking about...

They have like a foot an a half of extra "space" above their rear doors that runs the whole length of the van--perfect for storing that odd corpse or two, and the windows are a nice illegal shade of death black.

I can't help the sequence of thoughts that come rushing to mind--like every time I see one--some ski-masked psycho dude is going to spring out the back doors and pounce on me and my poor unsuspecting car.

We've all heard the "kidnapped" stories from when we were youngsters, no?

You can't tell me that you've never thought this as a large white van meanders itself up next to you and then stops directly in line with you and their front seat occupants. Totally casing you and your wheels.

My hand nonchalantly and ever so casually crept up to the door lock and clicked it (I try not to make a habit of driving with unlocked doors but sometimes I forget) When you live in the Jungle-otherwise known as Florida, there are hoodlums on every corner. Best to not tempt fate.

As soon as that light turned red I flipped my turn signal on, swerved to the left at the first opening and accelerated past the creepo van in quick fashion. Enough said.

Cruising ever so cooly down the road now enjoying the fact that I'm totally far ahead of all those poor saps still stuck behind that moving death-mobile, and trying not to keep my eyes glued on the mirrors to make sure I wasn't being followed...you know, because they totally could have been...,

Only to find myself smack dab in the middle of a  "creepster-old-dude-ogling-me-as he practically hangs-out-of-his-white-pickup-truck" scenario.

What's the deal people?? I'd like to say it was because I was looking mad hot, but yeah. I wasn't. Total frumpster.  Not quite sure what was going on...

I tried not to obchuck my lenders breakfast bagel all over the steering wheel.

Dis-gusting. Seriously???? Keep your eyes in your own head nasty man.

So pedal to the medal my friends. This girl got out of that lane and prayed there were no police cruisers lurking around to spy my speedy flight.

Moral of the story? 

I'm going to find somebody to tint my car windows a nice ILLEGAL shade of death black, and I'll be all good.

Otherwise, I totally enjoy my journeys into work every morning, yes, yes I do :)

Happy Tuesday folks!


The End.