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Sunday, October 23, 2011

One who has gone ahead...


Like a fleeting breeze that is here for a moment and then gone the next, so everything has changed in my reality.

Nothing is the same as it was before.

On the evening of Sunday, October 16, 2011 my beautiful mother passed away into the arms of Jesus after a year long battle with sickness that overwhelmed her body.

At the young age of 53, my mother's race has come to an end. The tasks the Lord set before her have been completed.

Over this past week I have battled overwhelming sadness engulfing me. She has gone on ahead and left us all alone here. Left me without her.

I never said she could go...

There is so much I wish I could have asked her...you know, just about everything, and life, and stuff, and never got the chance to...Didn't think I wouldn't have all the time in life to do so...

So much more I would have liked to tell her.

I wish I could give her more kisses and hugs. Tell her another hundred times how much I love her and how beautiful she is.

There is a great sweeping void that has been left in my life. It's crushing.

I miss my mom.

Soooo much.
However as I sit here thinking about it...I shouldn't really be speaking in the past tense about her because she is not gone, not really truly gone...

No...she is alive and well.

She is just not here with us on earth. She is just beyond the veil that separates the heavens and the earth.

With the angels and Jesus and a whole cloud of believers.

I can't wait to see her again. I get excited when I think of all she is doing right now. I wonder who she is meeting...what she is experiencing...

I can only imagine the celebrating and joy she must be feeling now to be free from all the pain and anguish she faced every day for a year.

She was a Godly woman who loved serving the Lord and serving her family.
She was a phenomenal elementary teacher that her students and co-workers loved. 
She was a virtuous woman, cherished by her husband. 
She was an exceptional, outstanding and nurturing mother whom her three children adored. 
She was a caring, loving daughter and sister to her parents and brother.


I wanted to honor her here...

But my words could never do justice to the surge of emotions I feel. To try and sum up a life in anything less than forever is, well... It just seems futile.

I hope and pray I will be half the woman she was on earth.
She was so amazing.
Full of patience, lovely, kind and self-sacrificing.
The best cook around.
Encouraging and super supportive.
Loved watching a good period drama flick...a true aficionado :) 

She displayed monumental courage daily in the face of herculean giants...

This woman was truly astounding and inspiring. Her example in living will give me strength and motivation until the day I breathe my last here on earth.

In the 7 months that she spent in the hospital, I never once saw her cry. I never saw her give in. She was quick with that beautiful smile of hers. Quick to make us all feel that everything would be ok. That God is sovereign and faithful. That no matter what, it will all make sense in the end when we face our maker.

That although we question why? and how come?... we can ultimately rest in the goodness of God. That He is sovereign and all His ways are just. That He may allow crazy things to happen but it doesn't mean his heart isn't breaking along with ours. That one day...one day we will understand why it had to be this way...

This is a fallen and broken world we live in...

Thank God, this earthly life isn't the culmination. As a son and daughter of the Living God...it's only the beginning.
 And I take great comfort in the fact that I will see her again soon...just not yet :) 
Not yet...

I love you mom.


Jesus said to her, I am the Resurrection and the Life. Whoever believes in and trusts in Me, 
although he may die, yet shall he live;
    And whoever continues to live and believes in Me shall never [actually] die at all. Do you believe this?
   She said to Him, Yes, Lord, I do believe that You are the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of God, Who was to come into the world. [It is for Your coming that the world has waited.] 
 John chapter 11:25-27 (Holy Bible) amp



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17 comments:

  1. So beautifully written! a good testimony to your mom, and to a loving daughter. My tears mingle with yours, and I smiled in knowing you are right! She is alive and well! Rejoicing, smiling, and worshipping with those who have gone before us to the Father's arms. Funny how I could even picture her and Dan greeting each other with enthusiastic joy... but it doesn't take away the grieving here. I continue to pray for you all in this grieving process... It doesn't just go away... It sometimes sneaks up on you unawares...but God's grace and peace will ever carry you along. Much love, and hugs

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  2. Love you my Friend!! Every word written and expressed through this letter was so beautiful! Your mom was an amazing women of God! Im praying the Lord will continue to strengthen you and your beautiful family! I know that we will see your mom and her beautiful smile soon...I love you!!!! i send my love and a huge hug...wish i could be there...

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  3. I am so, so sorry...

    I wish I could say something that would make you feel better, that would lift you up in the midst of this flood, but I can't. Please just know that my heart, my thoughts, and my prayers are with you.

    And you are not alone.

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  4. @Adrienne: wow...yes, I can picture her and Dan meeting as well, we said that he probably surprised her up there and then they had a good laugh I'm sure :)Thank you so much for those kind words, they are such a comfort, they really are and my whole family appreciates them. I'm holding on to God's grace and peace for sure. Love you :)

    @Miriam: I wish I could receive that hug in person girlie. Missing you, so appreciative of all your encouraging words you've sent. Love you and give that new baby of yours a squeeze for me :)

    @Chronicler: Thank you for your words and prayers...and they do lift me up during this time and it helps very much :) I'm so very appreciative. So thank you! :)

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  5. Oh that I could come give you a hug and listen to stories about your mom! You are loved by your heavenly Father, and I am so glad to read your faith is strong in such a time as this. If you need anything just let me know! I'll do my best from afar!

    Love,
    Kate

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  6. Your mom sounds like such a wonderful woman of God. It is great that you are able to trust in God's promises, and deal with her leaving this earth. I am so glad that it seems to be drawing you closer to God.

    God Bless You

    *If you need to vent, I got you.*

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  7. More tears, just when I finally had them under control... Love this beautiful tribute to your mom! She was such an inspiration and a wonderful example of a life well lived; with love, wisdom, joy and faithfulness. Love you so. Love your family.

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  8. @Kate: You know I appreciate that so much, I would love to tell you lots!! You're awesome :)

    @Funmilayo: She was wonderful :) and venting is always necessary so yes, I may take you up on that :))

    @Melody: I'm so glad you stopped by and love what you wrote about my mom. I wish it didn't have to be like this. None of it. But it is. And tears, lots of them are usually right around the corner...but it is always cheers me up to read special words from special friends. Thank you :)

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  9. Jeanine I am so sad for your loss but so glad that you all have that certainty of her salvation. I'm glad that she was able to spend her precious last days with her loved ones and while I can't imagine the hole that has been left in the short time that has passed, this just reads as though God held all your hands and walked you through it together. I am certain that your Mum was immensely proud of you. :)

    You are all still in my prayers. Much love.

    xxx -

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  10. Oh Jeanine I am so sorry. I haven't been on blogger for awhile so I'm just reading this now. I will be adding you and your family to my prayer list. This must be so difficult to be dealing with. I can't even imagine. It is so encouraging to see you mourn in such a godly way, and with the right perspective. With the perspective of eternity.

    In class here at Northland we have been talking about 1 Peter, especially chapter 1. Peter is writing to the believers and encouraging them to have a future minded perspective. Even though they were going through trials, Peter reminds them of the reality of their position in Christ. We have a salvation that will be completed in eternity. We have a glorious future ahead of us in the presence of Christ. We will be a completed work in Him. It is so exciting as believers that we have this knowledge in regards to loved ones we have lost. You know that your mom is experiencing this right now, and that is such a comfort. I feel like I'm rambling so I'll stop, but I just want you to know that I am thinking and praying for you.

    In Christ

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  11. @Miss365: "God held our hands and walked us through..." I love this. And He did, as only He can. Thank God for that. For Him :) It was so special that we were able to spend that time with her and give her the last request that she had, to come home. I will always be so grateful for this. Thank you for you prayers and support. They help me so so much. Giving you a hug from across the oceans :)

    @Leah: Now, I am off to read that chapter. Thank you so much for your encouragement, wow. :) What a blessing you are and don't you dare apologize, this is a "ramble" free zone...lengthy comments need do apply :) and yes, I am taking great joy in knowing she is experiencing such great joy right now. Praise God for that.

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  12. Oh my dear friend, I have been so out of the loop. Please know that you are on my heart and in my thoughts <3

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  13. Thank you Emily. Your words are so thoughtful and I appreciate them, friend. :)

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  14. I reread this often because the ache is still there, as I am sure you know all too well. Be strong, girl. love you

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  15. Hi Jeanine,
    This is so beautifully written I feel like I know your mom. But of course I do know her - she was just like you now, so kind, so thoughtful, patient, creative, hospitable, compassionate not to mention beautiful. Your mom went home to God too young. My dad was 51 as well. Life goes on for them up there with God and for us down here. I will really miss seeing you most everyday but I am so proud of you. I know your mom is too from heaven. I will pray for you always.
    Keep writing my young friend...

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  16. Oh Hmingi I just want to give you a big hug. Thank you for your kind, sweet words. They mean more than I can say :) I'm so sorry you had to suffer the loss of your dad and at such a young age. It must have been and I'm sure still is, so very hard. It is as you say though, life has gone on for them and they are doing amazing things just there beyond us and before we know it, we will all be reunited. That is a happy thought :) I will miss you, my wise, funny friend :)We will stay in contact though. We are family, after all :))

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