Is there such a thing as sobbing fatigue? Because I think I have it.
I can scarce believe that over a week has flown by since she has come back home after so long.
My mother, who has been very ill for the past year decided she wanted to come home ((after 7 long months in the hospital)) and she has opted to stop certain life support measures that have been sustaining her.
She is on a ventilator at this time and my sister and I have been trained in how to properly care for her in the home environment.
Nurses we are not.
However I do have a medical background as a paramedic, but I admit to you my readers, that absolutely nothing prepares one for taking care of a loved family member at this level of need.
It is absolutely daunting.
Exacting all of the strength and fortitude one can muster.
Honestly, I feel my armor has been reduced to scrap metal.
I am constantly engaged in fighting back insubordinate tears that refuse to obey. If I could, I'd have them court martialed. I'm sooooo tired of their constant companionship.
I am not alone though.
My fellow comrades in the fray with me are treading the same weary path as I. Trying to keep each other encouraged.
Despite all of this, I feel relieved and even happy as well, if that is possible.
Relieved that she doesn't have to be left alone throughout the day and night in a hospital ICU room any more after we have left to go home. Her tiny body looking swallowed up in that big bed. All alone.
Here, she is surrounded by family who love and cherish her every moment of the day.
Happy, that she is happy to be home. Happy to be able to make this whole discharge home for her possible despite the doctors doubts that we, her family, would be able to handle it all by ourselves.
We have proved them wrong. We are doing just fine.
"I love you" are three little words repeated as frequently as can be fitted in throughout the day.
She is the strongest person I know.
Our faith remains strong as well. God has a purpose for everything.
He is beside us through every step of this rocky journey.
We're going to make it, come what may....
I'm going to make it with my sanity intact, I'm determined.
We will get through. Yes we will.
We will keep her encouraged and enjoy every moment we have, as we always do.
I love my beautiful mother :)